Stupid Dog Names
by FaithDaria
Summary: A little bit of cracky self-insertion.


Title: Stupid Dog Names

Rating: G

Genre: Humor

Spoilers: None really. If you know the concept of Pretender, you can get this.

Jarod looked at the lone patient in the waiting room. She didn't look back, choosing instead to study her surroundings with nervous curiosity. Finally he called her name.

"Bacca?"

The dog's owner closed her thick paperback and stood up. Jarod lead the two of them down the hallway to the examination room. The animal was trembling when he first approached her, and both he and the owner spent a few minutes soothing her with gentle words and caressing.

"Why did you name your dog 'idiot' in Japanese? She seems fairly intelligent to me."

Her owner flushed slightly. "We didn't name her 'idiot'; we named her after Chewbacca and then shortened it."

"Chewbacca?"

"You know, the Wookie from Star Wars?"

"Star Wars?"

The young woman looked up in disbelief. "You've never heard of Star Wars? I thought everyone over the age of five knew about Star Wars. In fact, I know four year olds who know about Star Wars."

Jarod shook his head. "I had a very strict upbringing," he said with a wry smile. "What is it?"

"Only the best fictional universe ever," she exclaimed, a smile brightening her face. "It's based on these movies made by George Lucas, but there are also books and comics and fanfiction."

"What's it about?"

She looked thoughtful as she absently scratched her dog behind the ears. "It's about seduction, betrayal, sacrifice and redemption."

Jarod nodded, mulling over the concepts in his mind. "So it has a happy ending?"

"Yes, but you have to watch all six movies to get there. And you'll probably spend some time in the middle yelling at the main characters for doing such stupid things."

"Really? What do they do?"

She grinned and shook her head. "As much as I love to talk about Star Wars, and believe you me I can talk about it for a very long time, it's better if you see the movies for yourself. It takes most of a day to see them, but it's worth it."

"How can I find them?"

"Go to Blockbuster and ask for the Star Wars movies. Or Wal-Mart, or the library. Heck, if you can't find 'em I'll loan you my copies." The dog whined, and the owner resumed her attentions with a sigh. "I just don't know how you got through college without seeing Star Wars."

"I was very focused. Any other recommendations?"

"Watch Episodes 4, 5, and 6; then watch Episodes 1, 2, and 3. And if you still have the stomach for it, read Timothy Zahn's Star Wars books."

"I see." Jarod tucked away the information in a corner of his mind and returned to the task at hand. "According to the chart, it's time for Bacca's rabies vaccination."

The dogs' ears perked up at her name, and then drooped at the sight of the needle in his hand. She looked at him with mournful brown eyes and whined pitifully.

The Pretender hurried through the shots and then offered the dog a treat. Bacca nudged the item with her nose and turned back to him, her tail wagging. Her owner burst out laughing. "She'd almost always prefer attention to a treat."

Jarod ran through the rest of the examination and then spent a few extra minutes petting the dog and chatting with the owner. Finally the young woman stood up to leave. She bowed slightly and said, in a solemn tone, "May the Force be with you."

"The Force?"

"You'll understand once you've seen the movies."

Jarod dropped the last book onto the pile with a sigh. "I think I've finally found a family more dysfunctional than the Parkers," he said, laughing to himself as he worked on the latest gift for Sydney, Miss Parker, and Broots.

The basic figures hadn't been hard to find. A trip to a collector's store had yielded the ones he couldn't find in the regular toy store. Making their new faces had been a little more difficult, but that was mostly teaching himself how to work on such a delicate scale. The new boxes were the finishing touch, in his mind, and made it much easier to ship than simply wrapping them up.

Humming the theme from Star Wars as he worked, the Pretender sealed up the package and smiled to himself. Sydney would probably enjoy this one.

Miss Parker took exactly three steps into the office and stopped dead. "What is all this?"

Sydney looked up from the item in his hands and offered up a wan smile. "Jarod has sent us another clue, Miss Parker. Come see."

The brunette picked up a box labeled "Queen Amidala of the Naboo," but the face on the packaging was her mother's. "Maybe you didn't hear me correctly, Syd, so I'll say it again. What the hell is this?"

"Action figures," Broots said, popping his head out from behind the computer screen. "They're action figures from the Star Wars movies, only Jarod replaced all the heads."

"With what," she growled impatiently.

"Well, with us. People from the Centre." He held up another doll, still in its box. "Here's yours."

Parker held the package at arm's length. "Who the hell is Mara Jade?"


End file.
